Heh

About which:

from Despair Inc. unfulfillment-noreply@despair.com
reply-to unfulfillment-noreply@despair.com,
to Norman Pennington ,
date Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 12:14 AM
subject order demotivators-4XXXX from Despair Inc.

Thank you for your recent order from Despair, Inc.

I'd like to personally welcome you to our growing body of Dissatisfied Customers(tm), but to do so might evidence some actual concern for service and protocol. This might then lead to customer satisfaction, which would defeat the purpose altogether. That is why you have received this generic, form-generated email, written by some nameless lackey in our marketing department.

Having established that any pretense of consideration for *your* needs would be counter-productive to our raison d'etre at Despair Inc, let us now ponder a subject of greater interest to those among us who are worthy of both of our collective attentions – that person being me.

[…]

[lots more dot-dot-dot]

[still more dot-dot-dot]

[…]

If any of the information shown below is inaccurate, please notify us immediately using our new Troubled Ticketing system.

http://www.despair.com/trti.html

We will rectify your error immediately, and on some occasions, without snickering.

It is the least we can do, which, as a matter of policy, is the most we can do.

Sincerely not really writing you this email,
E.L.

E.L.Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder & COO,
Despair, Inc.

Should be here sometime next week. With any luck that will delay laundry yet another day. Or two.

Thanks, Anon.